losing grasp

i m losing things one by one...

Work n Life

for some odd reason,

i have found myself to become more n more of a hermit as i grow older...>.<

i knw i should go out..
i knw i should not always stay inside and have myself buried in the books and listening to music as i try to cram up..

it's only week2...

*says a little prayer*

lost my mind

hey...it has been awhile since i blogged..

well, i m rather emotional now...i cant continue being this way...he would want me to be okie... i neeed to be more considerate...but how can i push away my feelings that i m feeling so deeply now??...=/

GAWD help me...i used to be able to cope with this...=.=...I HATE ME...screw life

self esteem

i think my self esteem is being constantly stepped on...GAWD help

damn

of doubts,pressure and depression

hey
man it has been ages since i have posted anything serious or happy here.

currently...i m in notingham..wait i think most of you know that...lol

well...so far...life has been hectic..assignments,reports, presentations, coursework and tests are just draining me.

FOR THE FIRST TIME..i m SICK
SICK OF WORKING...my word...you have no idea wat hell i have been through this week...first was my Labskills project presentation (more of a Q&A session) which i screwed up BIG TIME...

err...then a an open book test...which..i think was quite ok...but still tiring..

then the RTS presentation(the one where i have to present the calculator that i made) which i screwed up as well...so ya..sigh..

n to top it off, i just took my very last progress test of the semester..which is...HAHAHAHa...damn i tell u..exams are coming and i still have a report due plus a coursework just on wonderful transistors to hand in...they call it study week...which,..IS BULsHIT...coz i officially do not have time to study up for my finals...damn

so screwed...well..life goes on..gtg..i have a bbq to attend to to destress my hellish week adios!

c'est la vie

life goes on

Times of Refreshing

Times of refreshing
Here in Your presence
No greater blessing
Than being with You
My soul is restored
My mind is renewed
There's no greater joy Lord
Than being with you


When work just dries you up, it sometimes helps just to sit and sink into worship.....well tht's just me:P

haha

....i m gonna drown!!!

so much work...tmr there is a progress test...lab report after lab report...n no time to study up for it...haizzz...well...at least i have tonight...

COME ON KRYS!!...pull thru..

zzzzz....

Please don't let my dreams run dry

He gets up before the dawn
Packs a lunch and a thermos full of coffee
It's another day in the dusty haze
Those burnin' rays are wearing down his body
And diesel's worth the price of gold
And it's the cheapest grain he's ever sold
But he's still holding on

CHORUS
He just takes the tractor another round
And pulls the plow across the ground
And sends up another prayer
He says Lord I never complain I never ask why
But please don't let my dream run dry
Underneath, Underneath this
Amarillo sky

That hail storm back in '83
Sure did take a toll on his family
But he stayed strong and carried on
Just like his dad and grandad did before him
On his knees every night he prays
Please let my crops and children grow
Cause that's all he's ever known

CHORUS
He just takes the tractor another round
And pulls the plow across the ground
And sends up another prayer
He says Lord I never complain I never ask why
But please don't let my dream run dry
Underneath, Underneath this
Amarillo sky

And he takes the tractor another round
Another round, another round
And he takes the tractor another round
Another round
He says I never complain I never ask why
But please don't let my dreams run dry
Underneath, underneath this
Amarillo Sky

Underneath this
Amarillo sky

artist:jason aldean
title:amarillo sky

Is that alright?....

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It's the wrong time
For somebody new
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse

Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If u don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
With you?

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be cheating on you
It's the wrong time
She's pulling me through
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse

Is that alright?
I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you dont shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
Is that alright with you?

Is that alright?
I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you don't shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
If I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
Is that alright with you?

Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?
Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?

No...

it's a nice song...(damien rice-9crimes)

feeling littlw down

fields and circuits paper was today...feel like crap...i didn't have enough time to do my last question...haihzzz...9marks gone...why la...haihzz..i knew how to do all the questions..(i think i knew)...haihzzz....*gloom*....i m just gonnna do math now..

I AM SO DEAD!!

exam's round the corner...i tried mypast yrs...i could only do like half of each paper...so screwed....ok...calm down...need to try again

COME ON!!..press on...you can do it

God, help me

i don't know anymore

hey....
work is slowly stacking up nicely...nottingham....no comments la k....haihzzz

To: Feelings

i sincerely hope that you understand my position..i am so sorry for making you go through so much...it was indeed my fault...i am very sorry...

please do take care k...i am still trying to make myself better...and i guess this is step one..

i know you deserve much more...but please understand this....i have been struggling...always finding the right time to do that something right..and as it turns out...there is never a right time

i am sorry...i guess all i ask now is please...please cling onto God more than ever...He shall provide you with what u need...

i am very sorry...hope you understand...God bless...

From,
brain


haihzz...

...feeliing off

i'll do whatever it takes ........

I HATE THIS!

hey...i have just finished my progress test today...it wasn't that bad...i could do like 60% or less of it...imagine...3weeks of work crammed into three days just for this...it's just insane!

i am not in the best state ever...i am homesick...i miss my MUM, SIS, DAD, my boyfriend and my dog brindy..(i hope she is doing fine)..i miss my friends that i have left behind....i feel like crap...i have nowhere to hang out...it sucks....although the campus here is huge...i still feel so empty..i have no friends here...i feel so.....lonely...which has all along been my biggest fear....haiz....

after the test today, all i could really think about is when is it that am i able to come home....i miss everyone!!....i start crying every once in awhile after class...i dunnoe how to handle myself...but of course la...it's starting to reduce but still i am still feeling...CRAP...i am still behind in class struggling to catch up although the test is over...so much to do...so little time...n as well as emotions...DAMN IT...

CG n CF is probably the only thing i really cling onto here...haihzzz....someone, please take me home

oh n btw...i have already booked my tickets home

26th NOV; will be coming back on the 29th NOV
18th december; will be coming back on the 5th of January...(need to study frm the 18th Dec till the 10th of Jan...got major exam on the 11th)

5weeks more to coming back to penang....i hope i will make it...and i NEED to make it

I got it!

I finally know where i am going!...Nottingham University,Malaysian Campus is my place...well, i got the JPA scholarship!..hehe...well, i will be leaving this thursday for the registration..in other words...Semenyih here i come...and EE..you wanna battle I AM HERE!!!

BODYPUMP ROCKS!!

yes yes...i have not updated my blog for like a million years!:D...hehe..i've been busy..

n yes, bodypump rocks..as some of you would know, i have started working out in fitness first..for those of you who have never tried GX(group exercise) workout such as body pump, body step, body combat etc..etc...PLEASE TRY IT..it is one of the best exercises ever..

It enhances your endurance, burns fat and tones your body..hehe..i have just finished my workout..it is great man..my arms are more toned..my abs are getting stronger..my biceps are...WOOHOO...beautiful in my eyes...(some ppl think tht bicep muscles shd not be on girls..which i of course disagree..yes, not too big la..but to have a lil actually makes your arms look good)..:)..My goal: to be able to workout with a total of 10kg.hehe..i am currently at 7kg..i shall increase to 9.5kg soon..the 7kg is starting to be my comfort zone..(like what brandon said(fitness instructor), 'try to get out of your comfort zone'...oh the kg's i am taking abt are like those long bars with weights at the side..ya..a total of 10kg is my goal meaning 5kg on each side..hehe

haihzz...fitness first instructors are really good..they make sure that you REALLY workout by correcting your technique and motivating you to push(when you're abt to give up)..hehe...

other than body pump, body step is also great!!..you can dance and workout..it's really fun..hehe...it's tiring..but good!..hehh...

oh and abt myuni thing...still undecided yet..JPA has not replied me and...so i am still waiting...oh well..what to do..

ok la i am gonna go off dee..hhee...adios!

Great!

ok...i knw...lately..i have been complaining about the chices to which uni i shd go to etc etc...but now..i am not gonna go into that now

i knw my blog has been dead for a few weeks now...so..here is the update!:)...i am now involved in an engineering camp and i feel SO fulfilled!..:D...i feel so happy now...after weeks and weeks of doing nothing but worrying..i finally feel fulfilled and happy...attending the talks...teaching the students some basic laws of physics..i feel happy..really happy..and it made me realise that indeed...electrical and electronic engineering is the right way to go for me...

i am now evry much inspired to see how things work...very much more convinced that i am interested in this field...but i am still....a lil...you knw..but i guess that shaky feeling will never shake off me as i am a very paranoid person (most of you knw tht)..

i actually have to thank a friend of mine, Bob...he has given me this golden opportunity..and i am glad that God has also blessed me with the strength and courage to do this...thank you!...

ok la..i need to go to bed now...i have a LOOOONNNNGGGG day tmr..i will be going to Agilent to see things there and get to experience first hand what engineering life is really like!..:D...ok doak...bye ppl

the two choices left

i have just come back from kl...my dad and i took a 2-day trip down there to look at all the universities that i was planning to go

1. MMU
2. Inti-Nilai University College
3. University of Nottingham, Semenyih Campus

after looking at all of them...i immediately fell in love with the Inti-Nilai campus...the place was so lively...the hostels were not that bad...so, all in all...it was my no.1 choice

Nottingham...well...it was like looking into a hotel!...i am serious..it was B-E-A-Utiful...but....for some reason...i was not all that thrilled about it...i could imagine myself there..it would be like studying on a vacation..the place was huge...filled with lots of greenery..tht was near the hostel..however, the learning place...i dunnoe why...i felt as though it was so..concrete...but i believe if i were to go there...i will actually learn to like it more and more in time..:D

yes, no doubt..inti-nilai is a square..(like KDU) but in the middle of the square was a garden..somehow..i didn't mind it..the hostel place though was great..man..

MMU...the uni itself was not bad...but the accommodation there was...frightening..so..it was somewhat...ruled out...

anyway..my dad took the liberty to find out abt inti-penang...and apparently..they do offer the exact same course tht i am interested in..so..he said tht if inti-nilai were to be my choice..he would rather me to spend a yr here in penang first then only go off to nilai..my mum on the other hand proposed tht i spend two yrs here in penang and then on my final year..go over to the UK

so, in the end..nothing has been decided but i have decided to apply to both nottingham and inti-penang first..see how everything turns out and then...ask God to help me decide..hiahzz....

i guess tht is it la..bye

P.S:friends, if you have any opinions..please do share them with me..thanks:D

UNI UNI UNI

i hate decision making